Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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