i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
