mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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