Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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