it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
