she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
