i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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