We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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