Banned from zoo.
Again?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
