I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
