I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
