I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
