We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
