I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
