On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
