Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
