I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
