Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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