how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
