About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
