Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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