Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
