I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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