When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
