We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
