I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
These tits shall not be calmed
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
