I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i used baking grease as lip gloss
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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