yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
