Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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