I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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