He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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