wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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