He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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