he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
A+ Viking dick
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
