so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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