hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
