I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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