my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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