just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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