Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
