Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
