Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
