its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
