I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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