How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
