you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
