I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
