Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
