I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
