I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
