So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
