I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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