She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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